Do You Ever Feel Like You Can't Handle It All?
In This Post
- My mom breaking point – what pushed me over the edge (keeping it real here on Crushing Motherhood)
- What To Do When You’ve Hit a Breaking Point
- 5 Tips for Shifting a Breaking Point to a Break Through
The Mom Breaking Point
I’ve hit my mom breaking point this week.
It’s a storm caused by
- School starting soon and realizing that the summer has flown by without as much fun time as I intended. The summer bucket list is far from complete.
- Feeling like a crappy mom because the kids have been watching way too much TV when impromptu meetings come up and hijack my schedule.
- Stress caused by the kids fighting.
- Intense pressure at work, as the company assesses where they are against yearly goals and wants to accelerate revenue.
- A feeling of disconnect with my husband since we haven’t spent as much quality time together in the last few months.
- And just a shit-ton of other crap that needs to get done.
- Monthly hormones (if I’m keeping it real)
It’s not unusual to face one or two of these challenges on a weekly basis. It’s the norm for many of us, right?
I usually take this kind of stuff in stride and work through it on a daily and weekly basis.
This week it all hit at once and I felt like it was all crashing down.
I hit my mom breaking point from the guilt and overwhelm:
- failing at work,
- letting my kids down, and
- not putting in the time for a successful marriage.
A friend of my described a similar experience as “I feel like I’m operating at 1/2 my potential as a mom, 1/2 my potential at work, and that I’m 1/4 of where I should be a wife.”
Can you relate?
What To Do When You’ve Hit A Breaking Point
First, we all need to acknowledge that this is a normal part of life, and especially for moms. I hear this breaking point all the time from my clients. They hit a point like I did this week, and feel like they can’t go on in they way they have been.
Here’s what I’ve done to step back from the breaking point, and what I help clients to do when they hit theirs:
1) Take a Break
Take a break when you hit your mom breaking point.
If you can, cancel the day’s appointments and do something you enjoy, either by yourself or with your kids.
I just cancelled most of my day and took the kids to their favorite amusement park. I just wanted to set work aside and I knew that their fighting would be minimized if we were having fun outside and riding amusement park rides. Mission complete! I felt better and it also made me happier to have that time with them.
Even better yet, schedule yourself a moms night away and stay at a hotel by yourself.
Or, go to a personal or professional development conference or retreat.
I’ve talked to so many moms who have said they’re re-energized by a few nights away, and especially love going to conferences or retreats where they can meet other people with similar passions. It’s such a great way to re-engage your passions.
For me, I schedule 2-3 conferences a year and this schedule has been a game-changer for me. I’ve learned so much more (and faster), and have grown both personally and professionally. I also appreciate the 3-5 days away from reality and the kids (to be honest). It’s amazing how clear your brain can become if it just has some time to clear out!
If you need a quicker fix and don’t have the time for a day or few days off, do something smaller. Take a break by walking, going to your favorite exercise class, meditating, or meeting a friend for drinks.
2) Manage Your Mind
Manage your mind through the mom breaking point.
It’s so easy to hit a breaking point and then let that spiral into more challenges. I’ve done all of these at some point, and so have my clients.
Can you relate?
- Skipping your healthy routine
- Missing deadlines at work
- Having a shorter fuse with the kids
- Fighting with the hubby
One way to keep a breaking point from spiraling out of control is to let it be and feel it.
I know this might sound crazy, but we do so much in our lives to avoid feeling negative feelings.
Pushing away the negative feelings just pushes the issue down the field. It’s still there no matter how much we want to avoid or suppress it.
- So, let yourself be at the breaking point.
- Be okay with crying.
- Give yourself permission to feel it all.
- Know there’s nothing “wrong” with you.
- Work through it to come to the other side.
3) Get Perspective
Get perspective to manage through a mom breaking point.
Another way to push through when you’ve hit a breaking point is to talk it all over with a friend and/or a coach. Or, you can journal it all out if you don’t have someone else to talk to when you need them.
Describe it out loud (or on paper). Explain everything that led to the breaking point and then begin breaking down each contributor one-by-one.
- What is causing the overwhelm?
- Are there boundaries you need to set?
- Are there challenging situations or personalities that need to be addressed?
Figure out what you can edit to push through the mom breaking point.
What can you adjust and what can you remove? I know many of us are trying to be super-mom, super-wife, and super career woman.
- What can you do to simplify and make all of these easier?
- Are there some pressures you’re putting on yourself that can be delayed or deferred?
- Are there obligations that you’re taking from other people that you can decline or adjust?
Think through each area and figure out how you can edit. You might feel resistance at first.
- That won’t work.
- I couldn’t possibly do that.
- There’s no other way.
But, in reality, when we re-think what we’re doing (and is in our comfort zone even if it isn’t really comfortable), there is almost always a way to do it better, faster, and more efficiently.
Think outside the box.
5) Ask for Help
Ask for help when you’ve hit a mom breaking point.
So many of us think that asking for help is a sign of weakness.
Who can help you push past this breaking point?
- A mom’s helper for a few hours a week?
- A weekly appointment with a babysitter for a date night?
- One work night designated a week where your husband handles dinner and bedtime?
- A solution you need to recommend to your boss, to make the schedule, workload, and expectations more realistic?
Breaking points can lead to break throughs
And finally, embrace the breaking point you’ve hit. It’s so common for a break down to lead to a break through.
What break through do you have on your horizon? What is it?
As Tony Robbins says, “there is no breakthrough without a breakdown.”
Did You Know?
I’m a success coach for working moms. I work with other moms to create and execute the mindset, strategies and routines that are required get out of survival mode and achieve your goals, both personally and professionally.
Think of it as a re-set for ambitious moms who want to maximize what they do, who they are, and all they impact to make the most out of life.
The first step is to meet for half an hour to talk about your goals, obstacles and mini action plan. If you want to create your own mini action plan, here’s the link to schedule the free session on my calendar.
I’ll coach you through building the plan and identifying your next steps. Then, we’ll talk for a few minutes at the end about what I do and if we might be good working together. I’m not a salesperson so don’t expect a sales call. I only accept clients who are a good fit.
This is time focused on you and your goals, and how to get to the next level.