3 ways to stop the negative self talk
ADVICE FOR STOPPING THE MEAN STUFF WE SAY TO OURSELVES...
Are you crushing yourself with negative self talk?
- Do you say things to yourself that you would never say to a stranger, much less a friend?
- Do you find that you’re constantly questioning yourself, the choices you make, the things you say, and why you never seem to get through your massive to-do list?
- Do you compare yourself to others?
Let’s talk today about that inner mean girl – what does she say, why does she say it, and 3 tips for getting her to tone down the negative self talk.
What does your inner mean girl say?
If you have an inner meal girl, I can relate. Mine used to run her mouth 24 x 7.
When I wasn’t reaching my goals quickly enough, I would catch myself thinking things like “what’s wrong with you, so and so other mom has figured this out, why can’t you?“
I would think things like, “why did you let your winter coat (you know, those extra winter lbs) get so big this year, you dummy. You know it’s harder to lose weight each time you do this.”
Or, “OMG, I can’t believe I just said that to my child, I’m the worst mom ever.
Why do we have an inner mean girl?
As women, and moms especially, it’s so common to beat ourselves up for anything and everything. It’s part of our culture to master negative self talk, don’t you agree?
That inner mean girl is working overtime to keep us in our comfort zone, safely stuck during what’s most familiar. She’s inserting fear and anxiety, trying to get us to stick on the easiest path.
Why does it matter, shouldn’t we just let the inner mean girl take over occasionally?
The inner mean girl is holding us back. We can’t let her win.
And, most importantly, what can we do to tame the inner mean girl? 3 tips for overcoming the negative self talk.
My inner mean girl – Christina Applebottom – is absolutely brutal. I used to let her take over, and it would result in me downing pints of ice cream and watching Netflix marathons, just to dull out her voice.
Since I’ve started using these 3 techniques, Christina is almost entirely out of my life. I hope these tips will help you get rid of your inner mean girl too.
- Recognize that the mean girl is speaking in your head, acknowledge her, and then send her away. I know this sounds simple, but it really does work. After I gave my inner mean girl a name (inspired by my fave movie), it turned her into a bit of a joke, someone I could laugh at and dismiss when I noticed she was back in my brain and speaking to me. I envision her looking at me, knowing I don’t want to hear what she has to (simply because of the look I’m giving her), and then walking away.
- Think what you would say to a friend in the same circumstance. Would you say to a friend what your inner mean girl is saying to you? I know I wouldn’t. I’m all about tough love, believe me. But, tough love advice for a friend is constructive and supportive, it’s not brutal like the inner mean girl can be. When you notice the inner mean girl, immediately switch to shift the dialogue to one of two friends giving advice to each other.
- Find a diversion. I love listening to inspiring podcasts or a personal development type book on Audible. Or, even listen to some uplifting music to push the inner critic out of your head and replace her with the present moment and your gratitude for the day and everything that is going well in your life.
It can be really simple to get rid of your inner mean girl once you recognize her patterns. First, acknowledge she’s there, give her a name, and promptly send her away. If that doesn’t work, change your dialogue to what you’d be saying to a friend in the situation and not letting the inner mean girl take over. And, those aren’t working, divert your attention asap to a podcast, good book, or some music until the thought passes and you can focus again on the positive.
What did you name your mean girl?
I can’t wait to hear, what did you name or inner mean girl? Which of these techniques works best for you?